Crazy Girl

Sooo two posts one day. Oh well.

So I may be crazy, but I kinda have decided that I know who I want to marry.
I. am. 20.
Just because I've decided doesn't mean I'm running off and getting engaged anytime soon.
It doesn't mean it can't or won't change if things make a turn for the worst.
But right now, looking ahead, I know.
Yeah I know when I'm all happy and lovey dovey.
But I also know when I'm extremely frustrated and upset with him. Because it's a choice to love someone.
And I've decided this is more than I could have ever asked for.

Don't get me wrong. I've been stupid and naive before. I thought I knew who I was going to marry when I was 15. It was my first serious boyfriend, and I was about as innocent and naive as they come. He said forever. I believed him. Apparently forever was 2 years and 2 months. I'm glad he dumped me. He was not a nice boy and he used and abused me. I'm older now and have been through a couple boyfriends, serious and..well...flings. But this time, I can see further ahead, and I can see where it can go wrong every step of the way. I know when I'm being selfish and I can fight it. And the best part of it all, I don't feel like I need to change or fix any part of him. I don't need to motivate him. He's good on his own. I'm good on my own. We're awesome together. I might be young, but I'm not stupid. Relationships are hard work if you are in a good one. Marriage is super hard work regardless if it's good or not. I don't know everything about marriage or taxes or well a lot of stuff actually. I have to learn a ton, but I've never wanted anything more.

He's the one I want to have disagreements with. Who I want to get on one knee. The one I want to be at the altar. The one I want to go to sleep next to and wake up beside. The one I would sacrifice for. The one I would fight for. The one I would wait for (which is saying a lot for me considering I'm impatient as hecka). I'd want to have kids with him and be a scared parent with him. To sing a kid to sleep with or read to. To mess up with and know it's okay. He's the one I want to create beautiful things with. He's safe and he's loving. And I'm absolutely a crazy 20 year old girl, but I would love to marry him. And that is one crazy commitment. It's a crazy decision. It's a crazy age. I have a crazy mind. Who said crazy never worked?

I'm not getting married. I'm just kinda realizing this, and the more I think about it and interact with him, good or bad, the stronger it gets. Call me a crazy love struck girl. Being in love is one thing and I am definitely in that, but loving someone is different. That's a choice, and it's a choice I want to make.
I've got plenty of time ahead of me to change my mind or solidify it more. No rash decisions here. Just bold choices.