Drowning

So when I was in the hospital in September, I had a dream that I was drowning, but somehow I was still breathing. It ironically was symbolic of my actual situation which is weird because I don't have dreams like that. Anyway, man months later, I decided to make something out of that vivid dream.

Slowly falling
I won't swim
It's so deep
This is the end

Unlike air
I still descend
I can't reach up
I won't breathe in

But soon I have to open up
My lungs will surely start to flood

With eyes wide open
I breathe in
And still survive
Without some fins

I've hit the bottom
But I'm not dead
I thought that drowning
Would clear my head

Do you think
I'll learn to swim
With nothing left
No oxygen

If I'm breathing
Will no gills
I'll stay down here
Until this ocean stills

One day I
Will journey up
And know that
I was good enough

Water air
I'll still be there
To show someone
I truly care

You may have demons
In your sea
But you can tame
Your enemy

Don't give up
Take some time
And with some love
You'll be just fine.

Masculinity, Sexuality, and Leadership

Something that really confuses me is this notion that men aren't to be blamed for their sexual desires and impulses towards women. That women "tempt" men to do such things or that men just can't help themselves. The fact that I might be wearing something might cause a man to act as if he were an impulsive animal is an insult. It's not an insult to me though. It's an insult to men. The fact that the idea of masculinity comes with powerful and uncontrollable sexual urges is appalling. Men are not animals. They are higher thinking, rational beings just as women are. Men have absolutely no excuse to say they can't control themselves. That's absolute garbage. In fact, I feel if this notion is true about men then we as a society should really question whether they should be holding leadership positions. I wouldn't want some impulsive and sexually crazed man in charge and making decisions. For all I know, he could be making decisions based off of his crazy lusts for certain women or rage that he didn't get a woman (because men are more aggressive too right?). If men are animals in that sense, they shouldn't be given the responsibilities of being in charge of things. Do you see how this would be entirely wrong to say men 1) are all uncontrollable sex demons that turn into beasts the way a werewolf can't deny the full moon, and 2) how it's wrong to take away the credibility of all men's leadership skills based off of this very disgusting, degrading, and untrue stereotype? Honestly, when you say women are too emotional, especially when their hormones are at higher levels, you're doing the same exact thing. Except this for some reason seems to be a reasonable argument for denying women leadership positions. Women, just like men, have control over their behaviors. They may have desires and emotions, but we have the ability to not act on them because of a thing called the frontal lobe. What's even more amazing is that both men and women have the ability to reflect on why they thought or felt what they did, question their motives, and correct them for the future. Wow. What a shocker. As if we have respect for ourselves and other human beings. Who would have ever thought that we, humankind, could ever have reached such unimaginable heights? -_- Seriously? Seriously..? Gender roles are crap. They cause people to revert their intelligence to something below that of what I consider a rational human being.

Pretty dresses

Royal balls

We know it's not reality

But the way they love

Looks so appealing

As they dance along the surface

Of a complex mystery

So we try 

To replicate

But it turns to lust

What is love in a week

It's a game

That only fools play

Because they can't stand

With the weight

Of a deeper sort

Romance is tinder

That lets the attractive spark burn

But the warmth only lasts so long

You always need more fuel

It'll die without it

The more you put in

The more heat you'll get out

We learned

It's not a fairytale

It hurts

And it makes you weak

It can bring you to your knees

You can always walk away

I've seen

The more I work

Makes those dreams

Our reality

But they never said

What it takes to really love

You need strength

And patience too

You need hope

That we can pull through

You have to give

And sacrifice 

The selfish thoughts

You'd never admit

Learn to receive

And love yourself

If you can't

That'll be the end of it

All I know 

Is what I want

We both deserve

Each other's love

You can have

My commitment

I'm in

Please take my love

These growing pains

Are so worth it

I'll work until the end

Or til we both transcend

I want to know 

We dove the deepest depths

Where we held our breaths

For the beauty below

Even though we craved oxygen

They'll never know

As they skim along

Afraid to break the surface tension

The density is too much weight

The fairytale facade 

Will keep them afloat

It's a shame

They'll never see 

The colors they never knew existed.