Bliss

You know those days where you're so happy, you don't have words to describe how awesome you feel? 

This is one of those days.

I Should Have Listened

So I was 17 once (uh duh) and decided to rebel against my parents for a very short period of time. This act of rebellion was dating a 21 year old. Here's the thing though, he wasn't a regular 21 year old. He was about as innocent as a 12 year old girl, and I know this because no one could have kept that act up for that long. I'm going to flat out say it: he was stupid. Intelligence level = 0. He was a really nice person (and he was attractive), but I couldn't stand someone with the intelligence and emotional spectrum of a 10 year old. No, scratch that. I know some pretty smart 10 year olds. Anyway I dumped him and he was crushed. I know because he called me bawling like I ruined his life. Okay I sound really mean, but we didn't date for very long so his deep emotional attachment seemed a bit strange. Two years pass and I wonder how he is. And now we're here...
Let's make a list of things that have changed completely:

• You drink. A lot. And talk about getting "fucked up." I know why you do it. The same reason a 12 year old would - to look cool. Your liver loves you.
• You talk about women like they're not humans or that they owe you something. You expect a romantic relationship with any girl that talks to you or flirts with you. This one bothers me the most. I quote, "There's some great ass in here tonight!" & "If you come to a dancehall and already have a boyfriend PLEASE DONT COME!" Girls aren't pieces of meat. I hope they all reject you for being shallow.
• Your respect for humans in general has decreased tremendously. 
• Remember how you said you hated that country style? That awkward moment when you spend most of your time doing that sort of thing now. Probably for social interaction because of the next point.
• You got kicked out of your own band. The one you started from scratch. Good job. 
• You follow me on twitter. With your current state of maturity and respect, I wouldn't even try to be friendly. 

What I learned: Same idiot, different attitude towards life. He took a turn for the worse. I should have listened to my parents. I wouldn't be writing this if I did. 

I really need to make a positive post. I'm think after Sunday morning I should be feeling pretty good because I get to talk to an awesome person. Gah I'm excited now. 

MFW I think about it

WTF Marriage Crazed Girls

Recently, I've noticed so many girls my age getting engaged. I can name about five off the top of my head, and they are all within a year of my age. Am I missing something? I thought this the time of your time when you figure out who you are and what you want in life. There's no way in hell I would marry anybody on the planet at this point in my life, even if it was the "right guy." We are changing so much at this age. I mean I get that you're "in love" or whatever, but holy mother of god, this is the WORST time to get married. I'm not going to be the same person in 5 years, let alone probably 2 years. The person you are and that you marry at age 19 will not be the same in a very short period of time. I don't know what it is. Is it that they're still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship? Once you exit from that place, it's not all sunshine and daisies anymore.

You know when you were young and you just HAD to have a pet goldfish. Oh my goodness, it's so cute and orange! About a week later you're bored with it, if it hasn't already left you for goldfish heaven which promises of no annoying children tapping the glass. Seriously though, that's what this is like. The hype of marriage gets these girls going like it's some new fashion trend (let it be known that I hate fashion). It's not something you can throw away once you're bored with it. Yeah, you can get a divorce, but the feeling of a failed marriage cannot be a good one. OH but you think it's going to last forever and ever?! Reality check: nothing lasts forever, and the fact that you think this person and yourself are headed in the same direction during these rapidly changing years is just sad.

Yes, some people can do it. What's the statistic on that again? I remember it being pretty damn low. "We're different," is the the stupidest thing I've ever heard. No, you're a human about to make the same mistake as humans in the past have made. History is there for a reason. Anyway even if you do love that person and you think whatever you've got going can last you a lifetime, what's the rush? You have plenty of time to get married in future. The best part about waiting is that if it doesn't work out, you're not deeply committed on a legal level, and if it does, then obviously it's meant to happen that way.

So to all the girls in their very early 20's and below, I hope my telepathic messages reach the logic center of your brains.

Or maybe my facial reaction of this will say enough when you give me the news...

Quote unrelated:
"Individuals who want to believe that there is no fulfillment in love, that true love does not exist, cling to these assumptions because this despair is actually easier to face than the reality that love is a real fact of life but is absent from their lives." - bell hooks

And Carly said, "Let there be a blog"

I figured the interwebz would be a great place to talk about my day to day events and thoughts because so many people do it, that mine will be a place not often ventured into. Not sure how often I'll post or if I'll even keep this whole blog thing up considering my commitment level might not be too high.

Today, I've been reflecting on myself and recent events, which I don't always allow myself to do. A week ago, my boyfriend of almost two years and I broke things off officially and for good. We've been "broken up" for the past two months but still sorta romantic. I just haven't been attracted to him romantically for the past couple of months, and I've seen him more as a best friend figure. He's known and now with the final blow, he's sad and distant which leaves me lonely and thinking. I befriend males mostly because I connect with them better. I attended a daycare with the majority of the population being boys, and being the adaptive child I was, I found myself loving sports, video games, and dirt. Unfortunately as I grew older, boys have wanted to be more than friends most of time, making it difficult to find long term friends. With that being said, and my ex (lets call him Alex) being my best friend for the past two years, I don't really have that many people to talk about it with.

I do have a good friend, who currently attends college in Iowa (we'll call him Ryan), and we have quite an interesting relationship. It's difficult to explain, but to make things a bit more clear, I was definitely daydreaming about dancing with him this morning. He's redefining the word "love," and as I reflect more on who I am and what I believe, I find myself taking in ideas and integrating them into my system of things. I love Ryan. Not in the romantic way but in the human to another human way. That doesn't mean I don't find him attractive though because I totally do.

Things that made me smile (because I need more positive in my life):

• Passed my computer literacy test meaning I don't have to take a class
• Made a 110 on my microbiology test
• Pretty sure I did well on my nutrition test
• Signed up to be a volunteer in my community 
• Took a nice walk and ran
• Played the piano and sang a bit

On another note, Ryan's birthday is coming up soon, and I'm not quite sure what to send him. Oh my goodness I just need a post about Ryan and his awesome so I can get that out. Maybe another day. Our feelings towards each other are mutual so it's not like it's some secret either. 

I'm currently taking a women's studies course, and I'm not sure what I want to do as my project. I think it should be over either religion and women or misogyny, violence, and the make believe "friendzone." The friendzone is a more current idea among mainly young men that if you're nice to someone they automatically owe you either sex or a romantic relationship. You can see it almost anywhere on the internet. I recommend an awesome blog against these so called "Nice Guys" and the friendzone.

Yeah, I think I'll be done now. Ha. I wonder if I'll ever post again.