AAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHH

Like I've said before people who comment on Yahoo articles are ignorant as can be. There's a new one about a transgender girl's parents suing because the school made her use the staff restroom. These people are agreeing with the school. Like I'm sorry but none of them understand what transgendered implies. People who were born with both male or female parts or none at all are transgendered. Their sex isn't a clear defined thing and it normally becomes a personal choice as they age. The hormones instead of the external genitalia more often than not determine that person's identity. It's better for the individual's mental health to choose. These people commenting are all like, "I'm a guy. If I say I think I'm a girl do I get to go into the girl bathroom." And then there's mom's like, "I don't want my child in the same restroom or locker room with that." GET OVER YOUR CHILDREN. They will be fine. Transgendered people are not interested in scoping out your freaking kid. THEY JUST WANT TO USE THE BATHROOM OR CHANGE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. They identify as that gender. Let them be that gender for God's sake and stop teaching your child to hate or judge that child because of the way they were born. Trans girls and boys are beautiful and deserve to be respected and stood up for. They are just normal people. Forget what's between their legs and just let them pee in peace. If you taught your child to treat them as a normal individual, then you wouldn't have to be concerned about your kid's discomfort in the bathroom. Stop teaching your children to be rude and judgmental. How segregated and alone do you think those trans children feel? To be thought of as abnormal and strange. That isolates them, especially when they're young. There are way more trans and intersex individuals out there than people realize. Those people normally don't go parading around about it because of how people react, as shown in this article. 

I am done. They should have a gender studies course in high school so people aren't so dumb and rude about this. 

Zap

There's something that keeps flashing in my head
It's happened quite a few times
So I wonder if it's true
Or just a small spark of insanity
The fleeting hope
That keeps the lost wanting more
I do not feel lost though

To understand these flashes
You must find the words
In your language that fit
A simple combination really
Then your mouth must move as you exhale
The flashes into the open
I think I'm holding my breath

The thing is
That simple combination
Isn't quite so simple
And once the few words
Slip past the fear and out my mouth
They transform the air
Into a heavy solid
A reality
A reality that must be held
I hope I can bear the weight

Six letters
Two words
The first word of this sentence
And the first number you learn
How can two syllables
One breath
Mean more than any number

What does that flash in my head do to you
As it brushes against your reality
Does it put a flash in your heart
A hope in your mind
A current through your soul
Or have I shocked myself
By putting a nail in the socket

Should I choke back this air or breath
You choose the one

Beautiful Mind Beautiful Body

So I feel like girls in general always struggle with their feelings towards their outward appearance. Being a girl who literally dresses in sweats almost everyday and puts no make up on, I don't have quite the same degree as some people. I do of course have my low self esteem moments, and to be honest, I feel pretty average. I figure that's okay. I just have to be comfortable as me. Some days are definitely harder than others, but recently I've had the opposite. The other day I quickly checked the rear view mirror to see if I had something on the edge of my eye. But when I caught a glance, I thought, "Oh wow my eyes looks really pretty. I look kinda pretty today." And I had my hair up and sweats as usual. A couple nights ago I was changing into another T-shirt and pants, and I once again saw myself. Though I'm not perfectly as toned as I'd like to be right now, I really liked how my body looked. Even the parts I usually don't like were doing okay. This might sound entirely conceited, but girls need to love themselves more. I hate how we're shown what we're supposed to be and torn down because we're not, but then we're supposed to be confident. Because apparently boys like confidence, but not too much and everything we do has to be for boys, right? Yeah right. Boys are so full of themselves. We can't be self conscious and we can't be confident. What are we supposed to be? It's sort of like the limbo I found myself dealing with when I was just 14 and affects even younger girls and women my age. How can you be innocent and sexy at the same time? Innocent and childlike but sexy and knowing? Like that just doesn't mix. But back to the body thing. I came to the realization that my body is beautiful because it is mine. It's not public property. It's not the random guy on the train's. It's not a politicians. It's not my future husband's. It is mine. And because it's mine, I get to do what I want with it and decide how I like it. I can love a changing body. Nothing stays the same. I go through times of extreme athleticism where I weigh a little more because my leg muscles are ridiculous from the amount of soccer I'll be involved in. Or when I haven't worked out in months and I'm a little squishier, but much tinier. One day I will age, and that's okay. My body is my canvas. My map. I get to shape or paint it however I choose. You don't get to tell me my favorite color is ugly and that I should change it. It's my favorite color. Who are you to tell me my preferences? Right now I'd like to be more tone. It's not for aesthetic purposes, though those are a bonus. I would like that because my season is about to start and if I don't get my butt in shape, I will be extremely tired in the first 10 minutes and at a higher risk for injury. Regardless, I will enjoy what I have because it makes for a happier me.

So my body is beautiful because it is mine.

Off the Spectrum

I wish I could write for you
All of the colors and songs
You have caused my heart to weave
They are off the spectrum
Of light and sound
They only exist
Inside

If you look at the sky
On a clear night
And realize
You are not looking up
But out
At an endless
Complex
And beautiful space
In which you exist
But hardly know
You will taste it
Some of the awe
That I take in

Somehow in this phenomenal universe
You and I
Exist
Together
Not only exist
But love
Each other
To the point of being able to
Create new universes
Masterpieces
In each others heart
Which are so unique
And yet so universal
That you want to share

You are off the spectrum
Words colors and sounds
Will never be enough
Because they have limits
And what you have given me
And I can give to others
That can spread
Beyond our knowledge
Is limitless

It's as if God
Constructed this
So it couldn't be translated
For all it's worth
Into other mediums
But only allowed it to be
Experienced.

What's Up With My Identity

It's been awhile since I've posted. Back in school and was doing great until I came into conflict about my gender identity with my significant other. This is something I would consider seeking therapy for. Let me explain.

I am biologically a girl. I accept being called a girl and she her ect. I am attracted to males. I have long hair but mostly wear loose sporty clothes and no make up. I do not connect to many of the qualities society has deemed feminine, but I don't want to be a boy. My brain does not feel like it is either based on what I'm told are the binary genders. I fit into this androgynous or agender category. But I am definitely a girl. They say girls think certain ways and I find myself left out of these thought patterns. I am a girl to me but if I'm going to have qualities, thoughts, emotions, wants, and needs thrust upon me due to this label, I will reject this label and seek a new one. So if I can avoid being generalized I'm in the agender group. Being a girl is no fun based on biological and social reasons, but that's what I am. I'm okay with it, but I'm not okay with what comes with it due to others. I am confused and this is the kind of thing that would send me back into sad town. I told Ryan the agender thing and he of course thought it meant I'm more dude and less female than he thought which he doesn't like. This makes me want to barf. I am not closer to being a guy. I like doing some society labeled girl things and society labeled boy things. I'm essentially neither according to these rules because I literally refuse to sign this contract that being female requires. But I don't want a sex change in the slightest so that makes me wishing to be neither. The problem is I am a girl and call myself one because if you look at me, I freaking am. Curse any other piece of crap that people pair with having certain genitals. Screw that. They're for reproducing and do not determine my personality. I am going to self destruct.