Triggers

Today must be one of those days where I'm hyper aware of things that drive my brain into a mad frenzy.
I found out a girl in my graduating class was shot and killed by her boyfriend yesterday. It's not that I really knew her, but when the proximity is closer, the reality that this happens to women everywhere everyday really smacks you in the face. Strike one.

I was watching the news and my parents decided to refer to people based on nothing but stereotypes. I threw my hands in the air and told them I had to leave the room. Their response was that I needed more "life experience under my belt" which apparently makes you sexist and racist. Strike two. 

And while on Facebook I saw a post that was "joking" about whether a girl was 18 or a minor, and the comments consisted of, "Legal or not! here we comes!" "old enough to pee, old enough for me," and tying it back around to the first strike, "she needs to be shot...repeatedly." Strike freaking three.
I want to move away and have nothing to do with this country/world where making comments about pedophilia, rape, or any gendered violence is okay or seen as funny. It makes me sick. Honestly, it's times like these where I feel the most distant from God because the horror causes a system failure inside my head. 

I used to be desensitized towards this kind of stuff, but once I could recognize the consequences that derive from these issues, I could see the role they play in people's everyday life, including mine and the people around me. It's like putting my head in a bucket of water and sending electricity through it. It makes my head hurt and leaves me feeling helpless for the world. It also leaves me terrified for myself and for others. Ugh I can't even finish this.