Barriers of Indecision

I don't know what I want.
I don't know what I want.
Life tells me to want two things.
I still don't know what I want.
Half of me doesn't agree with the other half.
What am I supposed to want?
Create or save.
I really don't know what I want.
I don't know either halves of me.
The best me would not settle.
It has nothing to do with confidence.
It's fear, but of what.
Even I talk bad about the part of me that wants to settle.
Maybe I'm afraid of myself.
That makes no sense.
That's why I've come to the conclusion that I don't know what I want.
I don't like the journey.
That's why I'm settling.
Being miserable to be happy or being happy to be miserable.
Great.
Now it's obvious, but it's not any less scary.
It's always been obvious.
Lying to yourself only covers for so long.
Everyone sees it in me.
Even I see it in me.
I'm stuck behind the glass and I don't know how to break it.
6th grade me would have shattered this in an instant.