Coping with My Identity

Throughout my entire life, I have had the hardest time identifying as a girl because my personality seemed to fit under the guy category. Maybe I adopted certain aspects of my personality because I recognized female ones were treated as less valuable than masculine traits. However I developed into my current personality, I've always felt out of place in the female category, but I'm just as out of place in the male category too (since I'm not a boy and all). I've received backlash from both genders for my choice to be very in between. It's led to less girls that I can relate to and enjoy being around, and while trying to equal with the guys I would spend time with, I would still somehow earn myself some form of disrespect from just being a girl or revealing some girl like quality. But the thing is I am a girl. My preferences may not align with the gendered activities that get labeled with my sex but that doesn't mean I don't go through the same kinds of experiences other females go through. My past hurt from what I thought friendship was supposed to be controls my thoughts and behaviors which disables my ability to make new ones with meaning. But that's entirely another topic than what I'm trying to get to. 

I guess what I want to say is though I have struggled with being a female in this culture, I am beginning to see that the challenges brought on by enforced norms is providing me with new tools. Before when I was hateful in my mind toward people as a whole, not only was I policing and chaining myself with the oppression, but I didn't give anyone a chance. I think I was created a woman so that I could learn from the inequalities I experience. It has led me towards a path of compassion and understanding. There's no room for judgement because I too am ignorant of many things, which includes people. I am one and the same as every other person so when I don't give them a chance, I don't give myself a chance. This of course is a theme seen in Christianity and that made me realize something too. Christianity is seen as a conservative institution and can be extremely inflexible, but its original purpose was such a radical movement. I don't know. I just find that to be one of the more interesting ironies in today's institutions.

This post was originally more religious sounding, but I figured I neutralize some of the language a bit. Now it just looks like I can't stay on topic to save my life.