Awake

This is all over the place so have fun trying to keep up. I'm super tired. Oh and it's somewhat religious so if you aren't into that jazz, don't read it.

Lately I've felt like there's been a block, like a large physical square, hindering my spiritual growth. It was like an infinite amount of space was around me, and I could technically go under, around, and over the block if I wanted. But all I could do was concentrate on this block. I know you can't feel things all the time, but I didn't want to just come to a halt. After traveling, I'm exhausted. I don't feel like I've gotten enough sleep in the past 2 weeks. So when I had to wake up early this morning to go to a women's group, I was not feeling it and felt like I could fall over at any point. While I was there, I could barely keep my eyes open, but it wasn't because it was boring. It was in this near comatose state where I feel I was receiving a lot more than normal. Even though I had heard one of the songs played before, it stuck a different note this time. We had a guest speaker whom was originally a Muslim woman living in Iran. She told us her story, and though it wasn't the main point, the word community echoed throughout my head. I realized it's something I crave and need to seek. I've been around people which I thought would do the trick, but I actually have to immerse myself in them. I attended a church in a different state last Sunday and there was a guest speaker there as well that spoke about how powerful it was to have supportive and loving people in his life. For the past couple of months, it's been hinted at and flat out said, but I'm just now hearing it. It's not enough to have an I-It relationship. Buber even mentioned that religious communities have not only an I-You relationship with their god, but with the people around them too. So today near the end of the women's group, we did this thing which is difficult to explain, but during it, the lady that leads it spoke of courage when she placed her hand on my shoulder. And then when it was over, the woman from Iran, who spoke little English, told me that God told her to pray for me. She gave me a hug that I only give to people that I'm really close to. I couldn't understand everything she said but she repeated to me that she loved me, I was young, and that God has work for me to do. When I left, I felt awake. Maybe not so much physically, but I know that I do feel very grateful right now.