Here

I don't get my state of mind. Like I don't know what's going on with what I want anymore. I'll recall the past and think of both nice and bad times, but neither make me want to go back. Like yeah that was nice, but part of me doesn't feel like I would enjoy it. Then I look at the future. But I don't really want to teleport there either. The near future is just meh, and I can sort of map where I'll probably be. The far future is all unknown and stuff so it could be good or bad or in between. But I don't want to be there either. Then I think of the present. I don't like the present. I don't really care to be in this time. But I don't really care to go back or forward. So I'm stuck in the present moment which I'm pretty meh about too. So I'm just here. But I don't really care that I'm here. I don't care that I was there or that I will be somewhere. So here I am. Feeling pretty apathetic about the journey that is life. Like I'm passionate about subjects and moments and grades and whatnot, but life in general? I'm feeling like it's kinda not my thing. I'm here and it's not really where I want to be. But I don't want to be there either. So what's my deal? Where do I want to be? Do I even want to be? I don't really know I guess. I feel conflicted yet I don't. It's like how do I know I don't want to be here if I don't know where I want to be? I have that problem when my family wants my opinion picking restaurants to eat at. I know what I don't want but don't really care or know what I do want. And since I don't know what I want, I will continue on the current path. I feel apathetic on the current path so will I continue to? I'm scared the answer might be yes. That makes me want to drop out of life for a little while to take a break and figure things out. Ugh. That's what summer should have been for.