every day I want nothing more than to end up in your arms










people think they miss their loved one after they've left or haven't seen them for a day or two.
there's nothing like months apart and nothing you can do about it. when your world feels bright and shiny they can't go out and celebrate. when you want to do nothing but cry they can't hold you. you can't even look into their eyes. feel their warmth. smell their scent. you get a voice here and there. sometimes if you're lucky a pixelated face on a screen. the words 'I want you' have lost their ability to communicate this desire that tugs so hard that it makes everything else's priority seem tiny in comparison. when missing someone means the tug hurts so much that it makes you cry. I'm not the 14 year old who believed whatever boys told me anymore. there comes a point when you decide that relationships aren't games or fun to mess around with. they aren't some naive girl's fantasy. instead of diving in with all the joy I'm scared. this is more. and that's the scary part. because messing this up means messing up a once in a lifetime chance with someone so unique and kindhearted. it's one of those things that becomes your lifelong 'what if.' i refuse to let this be a 'what if.' my life doesn't die if this does. I will move on and do whatever comes next. but he has significant potential to influence my life long term. this deserves my best effort and the best me I can provide. he deserves it.