It's been awhile since I've posted. Back in school and was doing great until I came into conflict about my gender identity with my significant other. This is something I would consider seeking therapy for. Let me explain.
I am biologically a girl. I accept being called a girl and she her ect. I am attracted to males. I have long hair but mostly wear loose sporty clothes and no make up. I do not connect to many of the qualities society has deemed feminine, but I don't want to be a boy. My brain does not feel like it is either based on what I'm told are the binary genders. I fit into this androgynous or agender category. But I am definitely a girl. They say girls think certain ways and I find myself left out of these thought patterns. I am a girl to me but if I'm going to have qualities, thoughts, emotions, wants, and needs thrust upon me due to this label, I will reject this label and seek a new one. So if I can avoid being generalized I'm in the agender group. Being a girl is no fun based on biological and social reasons, but that's what I am. I'm okay with it, but I'm not okay with what comes with it due to others. I am confused and this is the kind of thing that would send me back into sad town. I told Ryan the agender thing and he of course thought it meant I'm more dude and less female than he thought which he doesn't like. This makes me want to barf. I am not closer to being a guy. I like doing some society labeled girl things and society labeled boy things. I'm essentially neither according to these rules because I literally refuse to sign this contract that being female requires. But I don't want a sex change in the slightest so that makes me wishing to be neither. The problem is I am a girl and call myself one because if you look at me, I freaking am. Curse any other piece of crap that people pair with having certain genitals. Screw that. They're for reproducing and do not determine my personality. I am going to self destruct.
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