So I feel like girls in general always struggle with their feelings towards their outward appearance. Being a girl who literally dresses in sweats almost everyday and puts no make up on, I don't have quite the same degree as some people. I do of course have my low self esteem moments, and to be honest, I feel pretty average. I figure that's okay. I just have to be comfortable as me. Some days are definitely harder than others, but recently I've had the opposite. The other day I quickly checked the rear view mirror to see if I had something on the edge of my eye. But when I caught a glance, I thought, "Oh wow my eyes looks really pretty. I look kinda pretty today." And I had my hair up and sweats as usual. A couple nights ago I was changing into another T-shirt and pants, and I once again saw myself. Though I'm not perfectly as toned as I'd like to be right now, I really liked how my body looked. Even the parts I usually don't like were doing okay. This might sound entirely conceited, but girls need to love themselves more. I hate how we're shown what we're supposed to be and torn down because we're not, but then we're supposed to be confident. Because apparently boys like confidence, but not too much and everything we do has to be for boys, right? Yeah right. Boys are so full of themselves. We can't be self conscious and we can't be confident. What are we supposed to be? It's sort of like the limbo I found myself dealing with when I was just 14 and affects even younger girls and women my age. How can you be innocent and sexy at the same time? Innocent and childlike but sexy and knowing? Like that just doesn't mix. But back to the body thing. I came to the realization that my body is beautiful because it is mine. It's not public property. It's not the random guy on the train's. It's not a politicians. It's not my future husband's. It is mine. And because it's mine, I get to do what I want with it and decide how I like it. I can love a changing body. Nothing stays the same. I go through times of extreme athleticism where I weigh a little more because my leg muscles are ridiculous from the amount of soccer I'll be involved in. Or when I haven't worked out in months and I'm a little squishier, but much tinier. One day I will age, and that's okay. My body is my canvas. My map. I get to shape or paint it however I choose. You don't get to tell me my favorite color is ugly and that I should change it. It's my favorite color. Who are you to tell me my preferences? Right now I'd like to be more tone. It's not for aesthetic purposes, though those are a bonus. I would like that because my season is about to start and if I don't get my butt in shape, I will be extremely tired in the first 10 minutes and at a higher risk for injury. Regardless, I will enjoy what I have because it makes for a happier me.
So my body is beautiful because it is mine.
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