Life is Weird

Most people just do life. They think about things, but do they really think about life?
I don't get it personally. Faith is something that helps, but I suck at faith and spirituality apparently.
So I question where am I going? What's the point of still going? Why am I going? What happens when I stop going? Is there more out there than this tiny place in the entire universe?
The concept of God is useful I guess, but it's pretty hard to grasp if you aren't letting yourself be spoon fed. Like a being of some sort created all of this and made us. Where did he come from though? How could he just always be there? Maybe a being created all this, evolution and all those crazy scientific theories took place, and the being doesn't interact with the universe now. I believe that's called deism. But then there's all these crazy religions. Tons of them mixed together to form other religions and the world is just full of these mixing pot religions. Like there's this crazy book called the Bible which was written by man, but inspired by the word of God? And I'm supposed to believe that man didn't make a couple mistakes along the way? Through all the interpretations of these stories and letters all crammed together, not one mistake was made? I'm supposed to believe someone who wrote things didn't have bias or perhaps the knowledge of what they were interpreting rules about. Anything you write reflects the culture you live in. That's why literature is so important. It reflects viewpoints in history that can't be put in a textbook. So the people that wrote those books and letters of the Bible were reflecting their culture. Then the interpretations reflect our culture. It's kinda a lot of mess going on because there's a lot of viewpoints being mixed together into this story or rule or lesson. So I kinda want to take the general overview and apply it to my life, but I have a hard time believing so what's the point? Love other people (this implies WAY MORE that people give it credit for; so many books could be written on this alone) and you're allowed to mess up. That's what I get overall. But like I said I have a hard time grasping the reality of the generality that is Earth and us and it's purpose in this whole God thing (and just God in general too). Like if the universe if infinite who's to say there's not another place with living creatures on it. The odds may be slim, but in an infinite setting, more than one is going to pop up. And yeah, cool, humans on Earth are saved; thanks Jesus. But why? What is our role in this universe? Geez I don't even know my role on this planet. Why is this happening? I am literally a tiny floating speck of an electron in this universe. WHAT IS THE POINT. I don't think I'll ever know, and to be honest, that really bothers me. I so desperately seek the truth and it's so hard to believe anything. Curse these advanced frontal lobes we were given. It produces more trouble than it's worth. These ideas are not complex. They're basic, but they are driving me insane. And for some reason I keep going with life. It's all I know how to do. That's why I want to die. I want to know what's on the other side if anything at all. I want to know my purpose. And if there ends up not being one, then oh well. I will have completed my experiment, and maybe my death will do something for someone else. That could be my purpose. Or that when I die, I decompose and then recompose the trees and grass and flowers into the beautiful symphony that they're meant to be. Death is seen as something awful, but it's actually quite beautiful. In death there is life. Death sounds selfish, but it's actually very giving. Yeah wow look at what I'm saying. I can never stay on one topic and we always end up back here. Ironically that's where everyone ends up I suppose. I just want to know what happens next and why.