Oh Boy Illinois

I'm going to see Ryan in August which was planned but I got my plane tickets like a few days ago. So it's relatively new. Our friendship seems to have recovered, but I'm still confused considering my general feelings of whatever you want to call it haven't dissipated. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited, but I'm going in with a general trip expectation level of 0, with zero being the lowest possible number in this scale. I don't want to get hurt again is all, and I would so much rather put my heart towards God at this point. Not saying I wouldn't like that sort of thing because of all people, he's the only person I want in that category strangely. I just don't want to repeat feeling not good enough. I would like to move on, but there's part of me that wants to hold on. I don't know if it's false hope, a selfish bit, or something else, but geez does it confuse me. Oh yeah...this was supposed to be about the trip. Regardless of that silly stuff, the trip should be fun. Even if everything scheduled goes wrong or whatever, I'll probably still enjoy myself.