My heart does this thing where just the thought of you fills it so full with gratitude that the overflow of it comes out as tears. And while it's mainly gratitude and happiness to have you in my life, part of it is missing you with all of me. Because it's hard to be apart from someone that makes you that happy even with miles between. To not be able to show you my love through touch, sometimes it kills me. But I'll wait until I see you again and then those tears can be nothing but joyful. The tug in my heart is never fun but it's a clear indication that you're something special and worth every second of the wait. So in a couple months I'll be way up in the sky knowing I'll be in your arms in a little bit. No one wants to do long distance. I swore I'd never be able to. I thought I wouldn't be strong enough. I guess I had to grow up a little and meet the right person to know that strength is there and only reserved for those who truly deserve it. We started this way so some may say that makes it a little easier and it did in the beginning. But it also makes everything in this relationship, like all of the touches, so much more meaningful. The small things are huge. We crave them more than the big things. Yeah we still want the big things and maybe we'll do them every once in a while, but nothing is better than being in your arms. Because after being so far apart, having no space in between us with you still being you is the exactly what makes me one of the luckiest people alive.

every day I want nothing more than to end up in your arms










people think they miss their loved one after they've left or haven't seen them for a day or two.
there's nothing like months apart and nothing you can do about it. when your world feels bright and shiny they can't go out and celebrate. when you want to do nothing but cry they can't hold you. you can't even look into their eyes. feel their warmth. smell their scent. you get a voice here and there. sometimes if you're lucky a pixelated face on a screen. the words 'I want you' have lost their ability to communicate this desire that tugs so hard that it makes everything else's priority seem tiny in comparison. when missing someone means the tug hurts so much that it makes you cry. I'm not the 14 year old who believed whatever boys told me anymore. there comes a point when you decide that relationships aren't games or fun to mess around with. they aren't some naive girl's fantasy. instead of diving in with all the joy I'm scared. this is more. and that's the scary part. because messing this up means messing up a once in a lifetime chance with someone so unique and kindhearted. it's one of those things that becomes your lifelong 'what if.' i refuse to let this be a 'what if.' my life doesn't die if this does. I will move on and do whatever comes next. but he has significant potential to influence my life long term. this deserves my best effort and the best me I can provide. he deserves it.