Things I Am Sure Of

I always have personal academic quests late at night. It's a little strange, but I've come to sure conclusions on a couple of things. 1) It's okay to not know or be uncertain as long as you're searching. 2) You know that question where people are asked "if they had to be left on a deserted island with one item, what would it be" thing? There's always those people who say they would have The Bible. Only that. No way. Not me. I would go entirely insane if I was left alone with that book. I'd read it thousands of times and still be unsatisfied and worried. I would drown myself. What I'm sure of is that The Bible is not enough on its own in this day and age. If you truly want to understand that book, you need to know all about each cultural time period and location it was written in or towards. There is no way. If you are a person with more than 3/4ths of a brain who doesn't blindly swallow everything spoon fed to them, you would entirely agree. A proper criticism with the Bible alone cannot be done unless you are a genius on ancient languages and cultures. Even then, you may need more resources. A lot of things are criticized and with good reason. The Bible does not get an exemption. If you are going to fully believe and apply the contents of a book to your life, you had better be critiquing something before you make that decision. So anyway that is my small list of big things that I am sure of.

Menial Frustration

Ughhhhhh how dare my game save be corrupted somehow. Like it's not the CC and it's not the mods. WHY! Why on my legacy family?! Why after spending 2+ weeks on the building this save?! GRRRR. The loading screen has like 1% left and does not budge and will stay like that for hours. If that's not frustration I don't know what is. I'm mad about this. I'm mad that I'm mad about this. I should be frustrated about finals right now. I don't want to rebuild. It's crap like this and crashes that make me not play for months on end. I should push on though. Can't stop my momentum now. I will take so many precautionary measures that this crap will not be as destructive. Now I have to mourn the loss of my progress. I'm in the anger and depression stage at the same time. Corrupt data is the worst.

Lucky Duck

No, I don't think you understand. I am so flipping lucky it is blowing my mind. You don't meet people like this everyday. It was one of those rare opportunities. I live in Texas. He's up north. Somehow we meet through a penpal site. About a year and a half later we meet in person. He's kind and open. It's rare to find people so concerned about others' well being. He likes the things I do, yet we have a good amount of differences too. We click. We more than click. We're wonderful friends. We become more than wonderful friends. He thinks kisses are special and shouldn't be overused or misused. Our first one is while we slow dance alone in the rain on a stormy night. He also loves cuddling. Wow. Love isn't a feeling. It's a choice and we as friends made that choice. It wasn't until after his visit that I realized I had also fallen in love with him. The next visit I travel to him. It's wonderful. I really cannot explain how incredible of a person he is outside of any of the romantic stuff. He's ambitious, smart, funny, dreamy, caring, compassionate, open, trustworthy, loyal, talented, creative, a wonderful singer and guitarist, and very human. Communication is all we have most of the time. So in order to make things works we have to be honest, even if it means saying difficult things, and vulnerable. But that brings people closer together if they're willing and truly care about the other person. So we decide after that visit to become a thing. We don't like the label boyfriend-girlfriend thing. So we go without a name for it for awhile. He is probably the sweetest person I have ever met. If humans were sugar, this boy would have put me into a diabetic coma already. He is so romantic and it's like we very much get each other on the romantic wavelength too. To be honest, not one person has hit that with me until him. One day we decide we are both royalty so he is my prince and I am his princess. That's our label. Throw up all you want from the mush, but I love it. Cheesy pick up lines are hilarious and can be sweet. We laugh at the dumbest stuff and get to be entirely dorky with each other. We can be serious with each other and have deep conversations. We can be intellectual with each other. We can be loving with each other. We can have upsetting conversations with each other. We don't have to tell each other we love the other because we know it. I know it. I don't have to hear it. And when I do hear it, it means so much more than what I used to believe it meant. It makes me want to do nothing more than love him to the best of my ability. And I'm so glad it's with him. I am so lucky. So so so lucky. We may be far but he is worth every second we are apart. I don't know where this is going because we're so young. I have grown so much and so has he. I am beyond a lucky duck to get to experience this kind of relationship. Like I said, I wouldn't have wanted it with anyone else. He's magnificent.

Want Want Want

Grrrah there's something I really really want right now.

I want our eyes to meet and our bodies to follow like magnetic poles drawing each other in. And when we're finally close enough where it doesn't take much effort to touch you, I want your hands to gently reach for the sides of my jawline to bring our gaze closer. With only an inch left between the tips of our noses, our eyes will instinctively close because a different connection is about to take place. With my lips slightly parted, your warm, soft ones lightly greet mine as if to say hello, I've missed you. With eyes still closed, the second one is more like an embrace as I remember your smell and taste. The third part is much more intense but still gentle as the overwhelming feelings of, "Thank goodness you're here in my arms,  I've missed you so much, and I love you," flood through. Your warm lips relax and slip away from mine as we both pull back and open our eyes. The gaze between us is supercharged, and we decide to just hug each other before coming back to the world. We ignored the rest to just take in the other. That's what I want. Soon enough I suppose. I really want to cuddle too. It's like torture in one way but really nice to know it's not just you alone feeling that way and that someone really cares about you. I'll distract myself until the day comes which is like less than 3 weeks. I am freaking out internally with excitement.